Tag: stickers

#yesallmen

In reaction to long overdue conversations, campaigns, and general societal awareness around violence against women and gender minorities, many men have responded by claiming that not all men contribute to these patriarchal dynamics or should be accountable for patriarchy. We argue that actually #yesallmen should be held accountable for the ways in which they contribute to and benefit from patriarchy!

Yes, all men benefit from the patriarchy.

Regardless of your situation, patriarchy has affected your life. We as cis-men all benefit from the patriarchy one way or the other. Even “nice guys” and self-proclaimed (pro)feminists benefit. Here are some (non-exhaustive) ideas to reflect on: 

• The fact that you have never thought about how easy it is for you to walk on the street.
• The fact that even without you knowing it you might be getting a higher salary than your non-male co-workers.
• The fact that you get recognition that others wouldn’t get for the same work or opinions, etc.
• The fact that technologies and policies are created mostly by and for men. 
• The fact that you never have to work emotionally for others but you simply exploit your non-male friends for emotional labour.
• The fact that sex and pleasure have been dominated by the need to pleasure men.
• The fact that as men we are more easily believed and gain automatic respect more easily.
• The fact that things that we are taught to value most (strength, assertiveness, taking space or control,) are also the things that society at large seeks out and rewards. As opposed to, for example, giving space (for others’ opinions, experiences, or beliefs), nurturing healthy emotional relationships and friendships, etc.

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Yes, all men think they are entitled to sex.

Sex and sexual culture is a way that patriarchal power dynamics are replicated. ​​​​​​​For example, the concept of “friend zone” implies that non-sexual relationships are somehow worse or less desirable for men. In addition, it highlights the entitlement of men who believe that everyone is by default a potential sex partner if they (the men) decide so. Similarly, the male gaze that is always there to sexualize, comment, police, etc. other bodies is the result of men’s entitlement. There is also a general and incorrect assumption that men are “naturally” driven by and need a lot of sex; that this is “simply part of being a man” and that there are negative consequences to denying men sex.

Yes, all men have been bystanders

It is almost impossible to have been raised in our current society and not have experienced or been witness to some sort of assault, harassment, entitlement, or behaviour that reinforces patriarchy. In order to challenge patriarchy and create a safer environment for everyone, it is extremely important that we as men break the culture of silence and of letting things slide: from the sexist and transphobic jokes of your male friends to harassment by male strangers on the street, to calling out your friend if they are being problematic in an intimate relationship (controlling, humiliating, emotionally manipulating) or being present and honest if you feel a friend is experiencing this problematic behaviour in an intimate relationship. 

Yes, all men sexualize others without consent

There are many situations when women and non-binary people are sexualized by strangers, friends, co-workers, family members, etc. Men fail to consider the experience that another person has when they interact with them. Non-exhaustive examples include:

• catcalling on the street
• touching people in clubs, bars, restaurants etc.
• becoming friends with people with the intention of sleeping with them and not being clear about your intentions
• commenting on people’s clothing
• assuming that people are there for your satisfaction, entertainment or pleasure ​​​​​​​
• family members commenting on whether clothing or behaviour is appropriate

Yes, all men perpetuate rape culture

Rape culture is a term used to describe the ways in which a society trivializes, rationalizes, and even condones rape and other acts of sexual violence, despite being nominally against rape or classifying the acts as crimes. “Rape culture” includes a variety of issues from the way raped individuals are treated by police to the way rape is portrayed in fiction and the media. Rape culture is steeped in institutionalized misogyny, having at its core cultural features of a society that is defining, politicizing, and ultimately controlling women’s bodies. Rape culture, like all other aspects of culture, informs individual behaviours on many levels – often in ways, the individual isn’t even aware of. [source: http://sjwiki.org/wiki/Rape_culture]

With this definition in mind, we argue that men are an integral part of how rape culture is propagated and strengthened on a daily basis. All the things we discussed on the other stickers (from jokes, and sexualization, to being a bystander, and to entitlement) help perpetuate and maintain rape culture. Even men who present themselves as “nice”, “woke”, “feminist”, “radical left”, “anarchists”, etc. have been part of this. The only question is to which amount.